I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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