I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
