I am puke
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Less talking, more tequila
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
