I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I love having hate sex.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
