My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
