Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
