Dual....:-)
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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