It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
