shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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