So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
