I love black thongs
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i barfeds in our rink
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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