Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
