Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
