But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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