Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
