...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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