Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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