After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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