I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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