I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
