Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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