did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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