Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
