Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize