you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
