so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
