theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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