Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
