Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
