ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize
