fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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