Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
