shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
