i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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