You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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