I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
