I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
