things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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