On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
