i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
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