Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
