you guys were way drunker than both of me
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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