I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
