Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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