Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Randomize
