At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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