so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
