My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
