he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
