He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
