i think i have herpe
just one?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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