He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
