i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
