I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
