You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
