I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize