That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
