all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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