very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
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