I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
