Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
