Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
