I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
