i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
