my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
