she takes plan B like it's going out of style
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
