i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize