He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
