My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize